Everything is beautiful..

First day I do my real ‘comserv’ is in Paud Tegal Rejo near Catholik Church. Bunga pick me up in my boarding house at 7.10 a.m. then we go to Paud. But, we dont know where it is. So we ask for some people, but we just can not find it. We realise it when we got further and further in a same place till we finally find the place. OMG, what a complicated morning!

When I arrive there, I am welcomed by a little javanesse boy whose name is Yuda. He loves me, and never won to me get lose from me. He is anthusiastic in every activity. Then I meet with a boy who seems have a down-syndrom but he likes to smile to me. I like those boys, both of them are kind and make me comfortable.

Few times go, my eyes look at one boy whom I know by occasion that he comes from Banjarmasin. I pay attention to his activity, he is silent and passive but he knows what he has to do. I keep my eyes for him, and I see that he is alone. No adults accompany him like his friends do. He is alone,really alone, he doesnt have anyone to be hugged when he cry or needed. But then, he always with Bunga. I wonder why he doesnt like me when I try to know him. He avoids me. I never give up to know him. Then finally, he believes in me and we communicate better. I realized that he just needs time to trust someone, he believes that everything can be handle by his own ways, but he still needs one who can be his friend. And he gets difficulties because all his friends come from Java, and it makes him feels different. Those children love me in their own ways.

Tonight after I praise Jesus in Chapel, I met with someone whose right leg was being amputation but keeps smile. And he still has friends in his surrender, he is happy, though.

I dont know why, I think about those people and my problems recently, what was just going on my heart, and also what makes me Galau.

 God did answer me by giving them. 

I like that You show me, that everything is hard, but I will never alone because you sent your angels to accompany me in my time. Even I am ugly and having no friends, you still give me comfortable in my life with providing someone that must be care for me. Then you show me how egoist I am when I want the one I loved always beside me and how jealous I am when the one I loved doesnt care of me like I do, I get hurt and cry. But then, by process you show me that I have to let it go and start with new life. I know You will give me the best in Your time.

I know I hurt because the one I love seemed not love me as I do and he chose another girl. I was really hurt and disappointed, even I looked normal and happy outside, but he did not know how break my heart did. But then, I feel like my process is not finished yet, because even NOW i am sad and fragile, but I believe I will have my happy ending later.

I believe in You, because I know that You will do as what as You said.